Posted by: Dr P | April 19, 2010

Clash of the Titans

Imagine a film that brings the ancient world to life in a stunning fashion. Imagine a perfect recreation of a bygone time when man and Gods waged war over the Earth, and where great heroes strove valiantly to overcome desperate odds. Imagine grand speeches, impossible valour, heroic – yet believable – action.

Well, you’d better imagine, cos Clash of the Titans is a bit of a turkey, folks. Our hero is the demigod Perseus, the bastard offspring of Zeus, a man brought up by humble foster parents to be a fisherman. His quest, revealed through the gods themselves, is to rise up and unite man in its struggle with the evil Hades, and to bring a peace back to Earth. Unfortunately they cast Sam Worthington in the role, and despite LOOKING the part (yes, ladies, short pants and sandals do work here) it’s fairly unlikely that such a man would have sported an Australian accent. Dear oh dear me, what were you thinking, Samuel?

This movie has clearly had multi-millions lavished, not only on the special effects (very good indeed) but also on assembling a pretty distinguished cast. In addition to Avatar’s Sam, we have Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes as Zeus and Hades, respectively, the utterly lovely Gemma Arterton, Pete Postlethwaite, and a fine assembly of actors and actresses. But boy does the script suck. When the likes of Neeson have to spout filth like “Release … the Kraken” you know it’s not good.

There’s also a ragtag collection of part-human nomads, the Djinn, who side with Sammy boy on his quest. Supposedly ancient desert nomads and warriors, they actually have blue eyes and look like a cross between a Wookie and an Ewok. Not impressive, not impressive at all.

The story itself is a real hodge podge of Greek mythological stories and an excuse to introduce one legendary character after another – there’s a boat ride across the Styx with Charon (fortunately they do pay the ferryman, against the sage advise of Chris de Burgh), an encounter with Medusa and her stony gaze, and no shortage of views of Olympus and the gods. And a final pitched battle with the Kraken. All well and good, but as is typical of a movie of this sort, the whole thing limps along from one lavish set piece to another, with no building of character at all along the way.

However, there’s another problem. Much of the story appears to be nicked wholesale from Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief! That in itself is a bit of an irony, as many of the ideas therein were stolen from Harry Potter, but a number of plot points and resolutions come directly from the Percy movie. Shocking really, with an entire Greek mythology to choose from, why use plot devices from another movie? Hmmm. Not clever.

Oh and don’t waste the extra money on seeing this in 3D, it really adds little to the whole experience.

Pretty poor, Hollywood, pretty poor.

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