Posted by: Dr P | January 5, 2010

The P’s 2009

Read on for an assortment of observations, awards, highlights and memorable moments from my year in cinema, 2009. Please add your own!

Best costume: Nicky turning up to watch the contemporary remake of “Fame” in full 80s dayglo lycra

Most amusing name: “Randy Robinson” (the Wrestler)

Best actor: Mickey Rourke (The Wrestler)
Honourable mentions: The young kids in Slumdog, Sharlto Copley (District 9), and Cristiano Ronaldo

Best actress: Kristen Stewart (Twilight movies, Adventureland)

Best blonde to brunette moment: Sienna Miller (GI Joe)

Hometown pride: Bury’s Oscar winning director Danny Boyle turning up at Gigg Lane!

Most uncomfortable viewer: Chris Muzza Murray being forced to watch Harry Potter

Biggest waste of talent: Christopher Ecclestone (GI Joe)

Best idea: Darth and Yoda decorators – “no job too big or too small”

Most regular cinema companion: Big G

Best visual effects: Avatar
Honourable mentions: The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus, Benjamin Button

Dr P Grumpy Git Award: Clint Eastwood (Gran Torino)

Funniest moment (on screen): Pretty much every scene featuring Peter Capaldi (In the Loop)

Best comedy cameo: Tom Cruise (Tropic Thunder)

Best film in which nothing actually happens: Last Chance Harvey

Worst franchise movie: Terminator: Salvation

Most stupid moment: the scene on the horse racing track in Crank 2: High Voltage

Cliff Richard Secret of Eternal Youth Award: Brad Pitt in Benjamin Button, and Dorian Gray

Freddie Krueger gruesome moment: The chainsaw/arms bit in Watchmen

Most aptly renamed movie: (St)Inkheart

Silliest review: Che Part One, which wasn’t about that film at all

Funniest moment (off screen): Big G: “Do you want me to hold it for you?”

Nutjob of the Year: Penelope Cruz in Vicky Cristina Barcelona

Film to avoid if you’re depressed: Harry Brown

Most off-topic review intro: Red Cliff

Best double act: Robert Downey Jr / Jude Law as Holmes and Watson
Honourable mentions: Adam Sandler and Seth Rogen (Funny People); Colin Firth and Rupert Everett (St Trinians); Eva Mendes 🙂

Best way to wipe out Americans: the Yellowstone eruption (2012)
Honourable mentions: Solar flares (Knowing), the Eiffel Tower getting vapourised in GI Joe (ok so that’s France, not America, but that’s actually even better)

Best low budget movie: District 9

Unexpected cinema treat of the year: Zombieland

Best dialogue: the opening scene in Inglorious Basterds

Worst dialogue: pretty much all of 2012 and Knowing

Best goat-related movie: The Men Who Stare at Goats

Rupert Grint annual “most dopey expression” award: Rupert Grint

Boy George cross-dresser award: Rupert Everett (St Trinians)

Most unexpected “good guy playing a nutter” performance: John Travolta (The Taking of Pelham 123)

Yawnorama: Public Enemies

Best sci-fi: Star Trek
Honourable mention: Avatar

Most in Need of a Manicure: Hugh Jackman (Wolverine)

Silliest review ending: GI Joe:
Watch out for next year’s sequel: GI Joe, the Rise of Python: Squeezing the Life out of the Franchise
Christopher Ecclestone’s accent – 3
Christopher Ecclestone’s acting – 1
Cast credentials – 9
Cast performance in the film – 2
The utterly mad professor type guy with the facemask – 10
Updating the concept for the 21st Century and calling it GI Obama – 4
Sienna in a catsuit – 8
Kate Beckinsale in a catsuit – 800
Paris getting it – 9
A cat in a catsuit – unnecessary and slightly cruel
A cat in a hat – the stuff of fairytales
Cornholio in my Bunghole – easily the best line in Beavis and Butthead

Most unexpected moment: Ricky Gervais playing it straight in the hospital scene (The Invention of Lying)

Dakota Fanning Maturity Award: Push
“There’s a cracking chase scene which involves the bleeders screaming and making large fish tanks explode, thus showering our heroes with slivers of glass – and slightly confused sardines. I’d like to say that at no point here does Dakota Fanning catch a dose of crabs. That would be quite wrong.”

Best soundtrack: The Boat That Rocked

Biggest letdown: Blood – the Last Vampire
“In hindsight I think I’ve been a tad harsh on this movie by saying it completely and utterly sucked. It completely and utterly blew chunks.”

Meg Ryan “yes, yes … YESSSSSS” review award: Yes Man:

Gerard Butler approved Male Rear of the Year: Sam Rockwell (spot the irony … Moon!)

Female Rear of the Year: Megan Fox sprawled over the bike in Transformers (sorry, Eva, you were very close indeed!)


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