Posted by: Dr P | August 11, 2009

Blood: The Last Vampire

Rarely in the history of my cinemagoing can there have been a premise as exciting as this. Vampires! Martial arts! A tortured soul part vampire, part human, working for the side of good! No hang on, that’s Blade 1, 2 and 3 isn’t it? Well, speaking as a total lover of the Vampire world (Buffy, Blade, Twilight, Dark Lover novels, Anne Rice etc) I was ga-ga over the trailer and previews of this.

And it absolutely, completely and utterly sucked.

The idea is simple. There’s a girl who’s part-vampire. But she’s good. And she works for the Council, a mystical group that supports this vampire … slayer. OK, now there’s a multitude of ideas already done far better in Buffy.

There’s an ultimate baddy who was responsible for the death of the girl’s mentor, another vampire hunter, so obviously the film is a quest to bump her off.

As a concept, this was ace. As a movie it was rubbish. Intense amounts of blood and gore, and beautifully choreographed sword fights do NOT constitute a good movie – they constitute your average afternoon down Moss Side. And this was about as enjoyable. For the first half hour the film promised much, we got tantalising glimpses of backstory, cool vampires, decent action and effects. And then they totally and utterly spoiled it with a dream-like sequence that went on for ever.

Big G and I were completely baffled by this. Not one for the archives!

Avoid like the plague!

Fight scenes – 10
Over the top gore – 10
Tasteful effects – 0
The Council – 2
The good vampire girl – 7
The bad vampire girl – a HOT 9
Plot – 5
Dream sequence bit – minus 10
Overall – 3

In hindsight I think I’ve been a tad harsh on this movie by saying it completely and utterly sucked.

It completely and utterly blew chunks.


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